He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You can't just leave with hair like that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
