I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Enjoy the penises
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
