Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
