Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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