so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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