my mouth tastes like poor choices
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
