I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
