i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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