I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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