dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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