I swear god or herbie drove my car home
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
