I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
