He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's great music for shaving your balls
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
