remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
