I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
