Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
