I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We're like a lot better than the average bears
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
