I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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