So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
