Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You made out with two different species that night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
