please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
