First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
