just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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