walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
