hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
