If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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