The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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