All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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