yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
