I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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