eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
