I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
