I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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