Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
