Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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