we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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