You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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