i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
