its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
