I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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