apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm passing your future prison.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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