I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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