my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
