You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
