3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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