i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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