All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
