and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
