I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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