i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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