Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
