I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
