If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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