I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
