You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize