I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
