we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
