he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
