Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
