Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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