is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
