My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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