If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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