I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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