PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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