You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Small penises have feelings too.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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