i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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