Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
