Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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